The Faith of Joseph

Certainly, the story of Joseph found in the book of Genesis is one of the most exciting in Scripture. Favoritism and jealousy. Seduction and lies. Clemency and execution.  Rags and riches. Guilt and forgiveness. My devotions were action-packed, for sure.

There is so much to glean from the story of Joseph. Flee from sin. Trust in God's sovereignty. Forgive your enemies. Every gift is from God and for His glory. But, this time around, God was teaching me something different. So many questions surfaced in my mind, all about Joseph's faith. Clearly, Joseph was a man of strong faith. What did that faith look like from day to day? Did he ever question God? Did he ask God WHY? Why did you allow this to happen? Did he ask God WHY? Why am I here? Personally, when I am going through a hard spell, I pray, read God's Word, and talk and pray with a trusted friend. These are things that God uses to encourage me and to strengthen my faith when it is tested. So, I'm wondering about Joseph because he had no written word and probably no comrades. His would-be comrades were the ones who landed him in slavery and ultimately a jail cell. So, I am left to conclude that (1)  God alone was not only the source of his faith but also the sustainer of his faith and (2) God's Word was in his heart.

So, my application from this text is to work hard to hide God's Word in my heart. Who knows? The time may come when God's word is taken from us. If that happens, then what will we have? Only what is in our hearts. Even if we retain access to God's Word, we may lose our eyesight. We may lose our hearing. We may lose our minds. BUT, no one can take away what is in our hearts. 

A long time ago, I played piano for a church service in a retirement home. There was this one woman named Elizabeth, who suffered from Alzheimer's. During our 20 minute service, she would shout out probably at least ten times the same thing, "I LOVE you. I just LOVE you and THANK you." It was kind of annoying, but also heart-warming. Over the years, this woman had stored up love for God and His Word and that came out of her mouth over and over and over. She just didn't remember she had said it already. I hope that when I am old and gray and in a retirement home that God's Word will continue to pour forth from my mouth. But, more importantly, I hope that the Word will bear the fruit of a heart dedicated to the Lord.

JACOB

JACOB. I have never understood the appeal of this name. Apologies to all the Jacobs of this world. It has nothing to do with you. In the past reading about Jacob in the Bible has left me with one and only one word connection. You say, "JACOB," I say, "DECEIVER." He deceived Esau and obtained his birthright. He deceived Isaac and obtained his blessing. I even wonder are there other events not recorded in Scripture of his deceit? It seems like Jacob had developed a pattern of getting by trickery. He sounds like the type of guy I would caution my kids to avoid.

Yet, it is to this deceiver, this trickster, that God revealed the staircase going up to heaven, with angels ascending and descending. Further, God promises: I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you. This kinda rubbed me the wrong way. Like, why does this guy get away with this stuff? Certainly, God's gotta know what is in his heart. Terrible things happened when Abraham failed to trust God and sought his blessing in alternative ways. Hagar anyone?

We all know what happens next. Jacob gets a taste of his own medicine with his relative Laban. He gets tricked into marrying both Leah and Rachel and working for a sum total of 14 years, not to mention having his wages changed repeatedly. Through all this hardship, God is with him and blesses him.

When Jacob finally runs away from Laban, it seems that this deceiver has undergone a significant heart change. Terrified of Esau, who years earlier had wanted to kill him because of his deceit, he prays to God. This prayer is very revealing: I am unworthy of all the lovingkindness and of all the faithfulness which You have shown to Your servant. Then, later that very night, he wrestles with God, saying, I will not let you go unless you bless me.

Now, I really like this guy. I guess that's not quite right. I really like what God has done in this guy. I like that he sees himself correctly before the holy God. He sees that he is a sinner, undeserving of God's love and faithfulness. He also sees his position in God's kingdom. Although he is the next chosen patriarch of God's people, he sees himself as God's servant. Lastly, he sees so clearly that his greatest need is God's blessing. Convinced of this, he wrestles and fights with all that he has for God's blessing. No longer is he trying to obtain this blessing through deception. Rather, he humbles himself and begs and pleads and understands that God's blessing is conditioned upon one thing and one thing only: God's covenantal love and faithfulness.

So, if your baby-making factory is still open, I endorse the name Jacob for your progeny.

I AM the Resurrection and the Life

Our pastor has been preaching through the seven I AM statements of Jesus. On Easter Sunday, the sermon was, quite appropriately, on Jesus' statement found in John 11:15 I am the resurrection and the life. I have honestly always read this and thought about it in terms of Jesus being the only One who can give us spiritual life. Through the sermon and reflection time afterwards, God is showing me that this also applies to my life here on earth.

Over the past several months, a sinful discontentment has been rising within my heart. Every single one of my kids is going through their own unique trials crafted by God's loving hands, but sometimes it is just overwhelming to try to walk with each one of them through their trials. I am so often tempted to give up. Often, I have the thought that life would be so much easier if they just went to public school. Maybe you want to know, what really is so hard about being a stay-at-home mom?

Not one particular thing, honestly. Parenting and discipleship is just emotionally exhausting. When I try to help two parties to make peace, but it really doesn't seem like they even want to reconcile, it is exhausting. When I have to confront one of the kids about a sin, but I know I will be met with hostility and blame-shifting and finger-pointing, it is exhausting. When I have to remind someone again and again to do something knowing full well that they will not appreciate the reminder and STILL forget, it is exhausting. And exhaustion leads to frustration and frustration leads to discouragement and discouragement leads to quitting.

So, I am convinced that I need to draw strength moment by moment from the source of life, Jesus.

Seek Peace

It has been such a blessing to be able to take this week as a time of reflection on Jesus' ultimate sacrifice on the cross. Too often I find myself caught up in the daily grind, in cooking and laundry and cleaning and teaching and managing and shepherding and discipling and grading and ... Often, I just don't take the time to remember how dark a place I was in when God saved me, the true despair I felt when he opened my heart to respond to the gospel and the great joy and freedom that I experienced when I entered into a relationship with Him.

I wonder if I am alone. I wonder if just the busyness of life in this world keeps us from evaluating our hearts before God. Perhaps social distancing measures afford us a great opportunity with the removal of so much that could occupy our time. Now is our chance to evaluate the state of our own hearts before God and to seek answers to the meaningful questions of life.

The most important question we can ask is what will happen when I die. What will happen when I die? One of my favorite illustrations of the significance of this question comes from Francis Chan. He takes a reaaaaalllly long rope and then has one inch of it colored a different color. That inch of rope represents our life on this earth. The rest represents the time spent in eternity. What we do during that inch determines how we spend the remainder of the rope. If we confess our sins and trust in Jesus during this inch of time, then we also will spend the rest of the rope with Him in glory.

In order to answer the question what will happen when I die, we have to come to an understanding of who we are and who God is. I think we all know in our hearts that God is and that He is holy and righteous and good. I also think, after being quarantined with our families for nearly a month, we also know that we are sinners as is every other human being. But, here's the thing, because God is holy and we are sinful, we can't be together. We can't have a relationship. We are enemies. Since we are created to worship, we end up worshiping other things trying to satisfy that inner longing. Beauty. Sports. Friends. Movies. Success. Education. Money. Music. Religion. The list goes on and on. Ultimately, though, pursuing one of these things fills but does not satisfy the true need of our heart. So, then the question is how CAN this inner longing be satisfied? Not just filled, but satisfied.

And that, my friends, is what this Easter season is all about. Our true need is peace. Peace with God. We long for that relationship with God, for true peace and rest. God sent His only Son Jesus as a sacrifice for us. We sinned. He paid the price for our sins, by being beaten, tortured and crucified. And why? Because of the Father's great love for us. This still blows my mind. Why does God save me? God does not need me for his happiness or completeness. So why bother to save anyone? His salvation is a true gift borne out of His love.

My desire is for you to take the time to consider whether you have this peace in your heart. I am here to help you and pray with you and study and seek the Lord and His peace with you.

I'm just going to end this post with the words of one of my favorite praise songs, an oldie for sure but a goodie forever. This song always reminds me of how God just changed the course of my life in an instant with His love, joy, and peace.

He gave me beauty for ashes
The oil of joy for mourning
The garment of praise
For the spirit of heaviness
That we might be trees of righteousness
The planting of the Lord
That He might be glorified.

Conflict

I really like the abbreviated term for coronavirus: COVID. In our house, I believe it stands for: Come Out Vexation In Droves. Seriously. The conflict in this house has increased. A LOT! More often than not the fighting is over such petty things. I'll give you five examples of real situations.

• Who will be the first to do Veritas Bible--Come on, really? You wanna fight about being the first to learn about the Prince of Peace?!?
• What route we take on our run/bikeride--Whatever route we take, we're gonna start at the same spot and end at the same spot, talk to no one, touch nothing, and the distance will be the same. Does it really matter?
• Thefts--OK, I almost understand this, except the item that we're talking about is a...PENCIL. A PENCIL. Yellow. No eraser. #2. No finger grip. No design. Geez. If you wanna fight for a pencil, at least make it for one with an eraser!
• Looks--Mama, he's looking at me! You are sitting across from him. Of course, he's looking at you. Yea, but he's looking at me THAT way. Calm down. It has nothing to do with you. He just doesn't like what we're eating.
• Who has to (insert any chore here)--This one makes no sense to me. By the time they figure out who was the last person to do it and work out some system for who should do it now, it could have been done ten times.

It is funny to recount these now, but, in the moment, they are far from pleasant. I feel like a broken record. Let these two principles govern your actions: (1) Love one another and (2) Do to others what you would have them do to you. But, it just doesn't sink in. CONFLICT! I often feel like I am trying to help people make peace who don't even want to make peace. That is kind sorta really really hard. I actually gave myself a time out yesterday. In the car. 

One of my pastors says, "God does not waste anything." In my frustration with all the conflict, I was missing seeing God's purpose. I'm sure there are many purposes for the conflict, but here are a few things that I am thinking about. 

1. Sin is in us. As long as we live on this earth, we will battle against sin. Sin in our hearts will tempt us to be self-loving and other-hating. Sin will breed quarrels. 
2. Jesus died for our sins. God sent His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross. He suffered the penalty for sin for one reason: LOVE. It is only by faith in His sacrificial love for us that we can have peace with God.
3. This world is not my home. I am just passing through this world. I am not going to get comfy here. There are going to be quarrels and fighting this side of heaven. I am so looking forward to eternity in heaven with a holy and righteous God. No crying. No pain. No fighting.

Compassion

Along with many other members of our church, we sponsor a child through Compassion in Guayaquil, Ecuador. I even had the opportunity to visit our sponsored child last summer! In addition, our elementary and youth ministries each sponsor a child in the same region. Recently, I read an article highlighting the effects of COVID-19 in this region of Ecuador. To say that this region has been hit hard is an understatement. The death toll over the next few months is estimated to be between 2,500 and 3,500.

I have not cried so hard or so much in a very long time. The tears are not just sad tears but also angry tears. I don't even know who I am angry with. I am just angry that there is such a disparity between the rich and the poor in this world. Yesterday, I read John 12:1-8, where Mary anoints Jesus feet with expensive perfume to prepare him for burial. The words of John 12:8 stood out: For you always have the poor with you... Right now, I am wondering do I really? Do I really have the poor with me? There is something wrong in my heart and my mind because I do not have the poor with me. Please bear with me. I hope my thoughts will become clear soon.

This pandemic has affected each one of us in some ways. Some of the ways people have been affected in our area are:

1. Many can't find toilet paper or elastic. We are stocked, but others have found it hard to come by!
2. My husband is working from home full-time. We are fortunate that he does computer simulations, so his work is not disrupted for the most part. Others at UCI have had to shut down labs for the time being.
3. Sports have been canceled. For my family, this means no soccer practice for Mary and no swim practice for the others. No soccer games or tournaments. No swim meets.
4. All classes are canceled or moved online. We homeschool, but do virtual Spanish classes. This hasn't changed much, but that our Spanish teachers are conducting classes out of their homes rather than the center. With our Tuesday virtual classes, we have been "suffering" with the teachers in learning how to use the technology. The biggest challenge has been finding enough quiet space for each child to participate in their classes simultaneously. 
5. All worship and Bible studies and accountability groups have moved online.
6. Recreational facilities are closed. In our neighborhood, we have four swimming pools, tennis courts, basketball courts, and so may playgrounds. All are closed.
7. Libraries are closed. Maybe this is a plus to some, but our kids love going to the library on the weekends and stocking up on books.
8. Restaurants offer carry out only. We don't eat out much, so this is not a big deal for us honestly, but I do my once a week milk tea from Cha.
9. Doctor's office have moved to telemedicine.

While life for us has changed significantly in that much that was available before is no longer available, I can't help but marvel at the irony that I am "suffering" because of my wealth. Perhaps, part of what God is working in my heart through this pandemic is a deeper compassion for those in Ecuador and other places in the world who struggle to provide the basic necessities for their families. Perhaps

1. Seeing store shelves ransacked should make me have compassion for those who struggle to eat only one meal a day
2. Converting a closet into a work from home office should make me have compassion for those who live with many families in one house with holes in the walls and roof.
3. Washing my hands over and over should make me have compassion for those who don't have access to clean water
4. Perhaps the canceling of all sports activities should make me have compassion for those who have no shoes
5. Struggling with distance learning should make me have compassion for those who are not able to read or write or count
6. Not being able to go to the library should make me have compassion for those who have nothing to read
7. Not being able to go to the doctor should make me have compassion for those who do not have Tylenol or bandaids let alone access to a doctor or a hospital
8. Most important of all, perhaps worshiping online should make me have more compassion for those who do not have a Bible or are cut off from their church community.

So, for me I think I am learning that I do have the poor with me and how to pray more for the poor with me.

Unpopular & Popular Things

I've been kind of getting a little depressed with all of the news lately, so I gotta lighten things up today. I've seen these lists float around Facebook, so I'm gonna give it a go.

10 Unpopular Things I Love

1. Washing Dishes--For some inexplicable reason, this is my favorite chore. I guess that's a good thing because we make loads of dirty dishes. Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner x8 plus many snacks.
2. Mowing the Lawn--For those who have been to my house, you may have noticed that we have no grass. This saddens me, but I know my native plants are saving water.
3. Documentaries--When I have free time, I love, love, love watching documentaries. From mountain climbing to barista competitions to the Spanish flu, I find documentaries fascinating.
4. Running--OK, this one is a gamble because running could be considered popular or unpopular depending on the company you keep. It seems to me that it's more often unpopular, so it's on the list. I LOVE running on trails, especially in our local preserve area.
5. Spreadsheets--I guess some people consider this bean counting or tedious, the equivalent of watching paint dry. Well, not me. You need a spreadsheet, I'm your gal.
6. Editing--Sometimes I wonder if enjoying editing is sinful, like does enjoying correcting other's mistakes in writing stem from the same root as pointing out faults in others. 
7. Organizing--My family loves and hates this one. Sometimes, they thank me for finding new ways to organize things in the home; other times they complain that they can't find anything anymore.
8. Staying Home--I'm an introvert at heart, so venturing out is the struggle.
9. Frosting--These days many are trying to cut back their sugar intake, myself included. Still, you keep the cake; I'll take the frosting.
10. Jesus & the Gospel--I am so thankful to call Jesus my Savior AND my Lord. I made a commitment to follow Him many years ago. I have not walked perfectly, but I DO love Him and seek to live a life to bring glory and honor to Him. He alone is worthy of all the praise, honor, and glory!

10 Popular Things I Can Do Without

(No explanation on these because it's obvious, at least to me.)

1. Matcha
2. Coconut
3. Malls
4. Santa
5. Electric Scooters
6. Gaming Systems
7. Travel
8. Electronic Toys
9. The Beach
10. Video Baby Monitor

God Is Faithful

GOD is faithful. If my heart needs to be reminded of any truth right now, this is it. GOD is faithful. This is what God impressed upon my heart and my mind through my reading thus far this week. In Genesis 20, our patriarch Abraham commits a sin. He lies. He tells people in Gerar that his wife Sarah is his sister. If you're like me, you read that and have to re-read it because it just sounds so unbelievable. The great patriarch, the one who left his country at the age of 75 to go to a foreign land...he lied? This is the one who later will nearly sacrifice his only son, the son of promise, for God. WHY would Abraham lie? I kind of wanted to just go back in time and march up to him and say, "But, Abraham, in you I am going to be blessed. Don't do it. You have nothing to fear!"

Lying. We have all done it as some point in our lives. Why? Why does anyone lie? Because we're AFRAID. We are afraid someone will find out what we really are. We are afraid someone will hurt us. We are afraid we will get caught. We are afraid. When confronted by the king of Gerar, Abraham says: "Because I thought...they will kill me because of my wife." Whoa. Abraham was afraid. If he is afraid, then he is not exercising faith because fear and faith are opposites. It seems that somehow for some reason, Abraham's faith is weak at this point. Had he forgotten the promise? Had he forgotten the blessing? Had he forgotten the covenant? IDK.

What happens next, though, is even more amazing! Certainly, God could have rejected him for this lack of faith. We know he didn't. I found myself asking God why. Why didn't You reject Him? Why didn't You choose someone else? I think the answer is found in Genesis 15. God made a covenant with Abraham. God is faithful and will not break His covenant. Ever. He cannot because He is not a man that He should lie or change His mind.

One of the verses I have been committing to memory is Hebrews 11:8: By faith, Abraham, when he was called, obeyed by going out to a place which he was to receive for an inheritance; and he went out, not knowing where he was going. How is it that Abraham, whose faith faltered, is exalted for his faith and held up as an example for us to emulate? My conclusion is simply that GOD is faithful. We forget. We sin. We fail. We are faithless. But GOD! GOD is and always will be faithful. Abraham was able to be faithful for this one reason: GOD is faithful.

I have no idea what the future holds. I feel tempted to be anxious and afraid a lot. Especially now. Yet, I will set my hope fully upon God, this God, the God of Abraham and Isaac and Jacob, the God who has adopted me into His family and called me His child, His beloved. I screw up all the time, but He is ever and always faithful.