First of all, I want to thank you all for reading my crazy, eclectic, inconsistent blog! Lately, I have had lots of ideas swirling around in my head, but I may be slow in posting because life is pretty busy these days. Today, we officially sold our house in New Orleans! Yay! A huge answer to prayer! We are moving to our new house on Tuesday. There are boxes everywhere! This past week, we attempted to cram two weeks of schoolwork into one, since I expect next week to be busy with moving, shelf lining, grout sealing, unpacking, reorganizing a couple times, and visiting with Nana, Papa, and Uncle Luke! And, to top it off, I had two doctor's appointments this week and a Home Birth Details Class. When is my mommy conference???
In the midst of all this busyness, God has been speaking to me about trials, maybe because we aren't going through any right now! Recently, I saw something on Facebook having to do with fertility issues that some women experience. The tone of it was that no woman deserves to have a miscarriage or the inability to conceive a child. This hit a soft spot with me. Miscarriage? Been there...twice. Unable to conceive? Been there...thrice. Were those experiences painful? Yes, definitely!
On the other hand, God used those experiences for my good. When David and I were struggling with our desire to have a child, God showed me that his purposes for my life were not the same as my purposes. I was looking for the external things, but God was concerned with my heart and molding me more and more into the image of Christ. God encouraged me through my pastor to emulate Mary's attitude and say, "I am the Lord's servant." God's message to me was to serve Him. Serve Him with children. Serve Him without children. Serve Him. This impacted us so much that we chose to name our first child Mary.
That experience was hard, but our experience with our boys brought me to even lower points. Pretty soon after Matthew and Jonathan's birth, Jonathan was admitted into the NICU. He was having difficulty transitioning from the womb to the outside world. He needed oxygen, IV fluids, a feeding tube, etc. It was really painful to see him in the NICU. His face was swollen; he had tubes everywhere; and he was stationary, not the same little guy that was constantly kicking and pushing at my ribs! In the beginning, I could not hold him let alone nurse him because he was struggling so much to breathe (and I certainly didn't want to interfere with his care!) During our stay in the hospital, I was pretty much a fountain of tears.
Matthew, on the other hand, was teeny but healthy. So we thought. We took him home but left Jonathan in the NICU. Matthew's first check-up was somewhat of a horrific experience. We waited for an hour to see the doctor only to find out the doctor wasn't actually in the office. Once she finally arrived, she was very concerned about Matthew. Not only was he under four pounds, but he was also yellow! He was admitted that evening to a separate hospital for jaundice. We watched them insert a catheter into his teeny body and draw what seemed like too much blood from his body. Then, the doctor wanted to perform a spinal tap to test for meningitis and asked us to leave the room. David and I sat alone in the waiting room for what seemed like an eternity. We felt all alone, but we know without a doubt that we weren't alone. Our loving Father was with us. We prayed to Him. We prayed for Matthew. We prayed for Jonathan. We prayed for the doctors at Children's Hospital. We prayed for the doctors at Touro Hospital. God was with us during our most difficult hour. He heard so many prayers lifted up for our boys. Now, when I look at the boys, I cannot help but be reminded by what an awesome prayer-hearing, loving, almighty God we serve. Sure, these experiences were painful ones, but I do not regret going through them now because of the eternal lessons that God has taught me.
I am going to end this post with my favorite hymn, which sums up my viewpoint on trials:
Like a river glorious is God's perfect peace,
Over all victorious in its bright increase;
Perfect, yet it floweth fuller every day,
Perfect, yet it groweth deeper all the way.
Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blessed,
Finding as he promised, perfect peace and rest.
Hidden in the hollow of his blessed hand,
Never foe can follow, never traitor stand;
Not a surge of worry, not a share of care,
Not a blast of hurry, touch the spirit there.
Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blessed,
Finding as he promised, perfect peace and rest.
Every joy or trial falleth from above,
Traced upon our dial by the Sun of Love.
We may trust him fully all for us to do;
They who trust him wholly find him wholly true.
Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blessed,
Finding as he promised, perfect peace and rest.
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