Since moving to Irvine, I have had the opportunity to meet many new people. Upon meeting, conversation seems to naturally progress to the topic of what one does for a living. When asked what I do, I have repeatedly heard my response: "I just stay at home." Did you cringe? I do every single time because of one word: just.
There are probably many ways one can interpret my response, but I want to discuss two. Oftentimes, we think of home as the antithesis to work. Work is the place for, well, work. Home is the place for rest. To say, "I just stay at home," could have the meaning, "I do not work." It is easy for me to understand where this idea comes from, having worked in a very demanding job for seven years. When I came home, I left the work-related stresses behind (or at least I tried to) and enjoyed some peace and quiet. I'm sure some people I have met could easily picture me lounging around in my PJs with a mocha in one hand, a pleasure book in another, and bon-bons within reach.
Another way to interpret my response is a comparison of degrees. "You do something very important and noble in your work. You save lives. Me? I could never do anything like that. I just stay at home."
Staying at home is hard work. There are stresses and, sometimes, it seems that there is no safe retreat from them! With four children six and under, my house is only quiet when everyone is eating or sleeping! Some days my children repeatedly disobey and do not seem to respond to discipline. Unlike in the work situation, I cannot and will not ask them to seek a position elsewhere. Some days, there is conflict after conflict after conflict. We have difficulty sharing toys, Mama, food, space, pretty much everything. Even though our reading lesson was on words with ur as in church, my child still sounds out the word "fur" incorrectly and I wonder if she will ever get it. Probation reports? We don't have them and if we did, what penalty would there be for not meeting probation? Often, I feel overwhelmed with the task before me. I see character that
needs molding, but the reality is that my character needs molding, too. There is no owner's manual that tells me what to say or do to produce the desired effect in my children or what to do when said child malfunctions!
Moreover, I believe from the Scriptures that God places a high value on the teaching and training of our children. Although our society may not recognize its value as a vocation, God certainly does. In Deuteronomy 6:6-7, we read, "And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Staying at home with our children is important and noble work.
(Lest anyone misinterpret what I am trying to say, I want to be very, very clear. I am not trying to say that I think every mom should stay at home or that every mom should homeschool. I believe that God has a unique and special calling for each of us. This is what He has called us to at this point in time, but I am not trying to say that I believe He has called you to the same task.)
True confessions, some days I do stay in my PJs until noon, but that's because at least one of kids was up at the crack of dawn and there was not a moment to take a shower until naptime. Mornings are usually so busy getting breakfast and brushing teeth and hair and making beds and putting PJs away and starting school and getting second breakfast and then snack and then...sometimes, by the time I remember to drink my tea, it's already cold.
Being a stay at home, homeschooling mom is not easy, but I will always remember a saying on a poster my dad had in his work-out room: No pain, no gain! And, since God has called me to this task, I know that He helps me. When I don't know what to say or do, He guides me. When I am frustrated, He encourages me. When I am overwhelmed, He supports me! In recognition of this, that child-rearing is important to God if not to society, I am adjusting my response from: "I just stay at home, " to: "I stay at home!"
Very thoughtful and relevant article Maura. You could also say "I work at home." There was a time when we would say "I am just a plumber" but not anymore. There is no job as important as the one you are doing. We need to get away from that mindset that you need to be earning money to be worthwhile. Relating your thesis to me when asked what I do, I would never say I am just retired. I start to rattle off my activities for the week until I realize that I can't remember all of them off the top of my head. So I say that I am enjoying life in so many ways and I can't enjoy it staring at the walls. I am rambling on so more another time.
ReplyDeleteExcellent article and so well said. I hope that other stay at home moms reading this receive a blessing knowing that their work is vital. My grandmother used to say, "the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world."
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