Abiding in Christ

Well, here I am, once again sharing my heart with you.  Actually, the content of this post has been on my heart for well over a month now, but I just haven't taken the time to share how God has been encouraging me with His word. 

Honestly, I have been feeling very anxious about having another baby.  Many days, I feel really overwhelmed with the four children God has entrusted into my care.  I can't even imagine what it is going to be like to add another child to the mix.  If all goes well, Matthew and Jonathan will have celebrated their second birthday around the time that the baby is born.  There are two and half years between our other children.  Although six months does not sound like much time, there is a huge difference between a two year old and a two and a half year old, especially when you factor in the developmental delays typically seen in twins.

Although Matthew and Jonathan understand a lot more than they let on, they can only say four intelligible words: Mama, Daddy, no (accompanied by an entire body shake), and slide.  To really understand the rest of their words, you need the M-J dictionary: shu is truck, ba is cup, esh is trash, ady is bike, ola is stroller, suh is stuck, sah is sock and so on.  They do not know one baby sign, unless you count a wave for bye-bye.   

Raising twins is really challenging.  I am to blame for some of Matthew's and Jonathan's developmental delays because I have chosen the easy route.  One example: I still spoon-feed them most of their meals.  The times I have allowed them to feed themselves with utensils, the food has ended up on the floor.  I frequently opt to spoon-feed to avoid having to clean up a big mess times two afterwards.  Now, I am thinking ahead a few weeks and realize that spoon-feeding twins while caring for an infant is going to be really difficult.

I have resigned myself to the fact that I am just going to have three children in diapers at the same time.  This is again where six months makes a huge difference!  Mary was fully potty-trained by the time Maggie was born.  Maggie was fully potty-trained by the time Matthew and Jonathan were born.  Matthew and Jonathan will not be potty-trained by the time the baby is born.  They are not ready.  I am not ready.  I can admit that.  I am not going to enter into a battle now that will only result in one frustrated mama and two frustrated boys. 

Thinking about these things made me begin to feel anxious about the birth of this baby.  How could I possibly feel more overwhelmed than my current state???  Then, in early January, our pastor revealed the focus for this year:

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.  I am the vine; you are the branches.  Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.  John 15:4-5

God really encouraged me through these verses.  He is an all-powerful God, the Creator of the universe.  It is He who makes me fruitful.  The fruit comes as a result of abiding in him, not of having children who can speak intelligibly, feed themselves or use the toilet.  I can't say that anxious thoughts about adding another little one don't still creep into my head from time to time. But when they do, I remember these verses and bring my anxieties to the Lord and ask him to bear fruit through me!