2014--The Year in Review

In 2014, our family experienced many joys as well as trials. Many tears were shed, tears of joy and tears of sorrow. Whether our circumstances be joyful or trying, we know that in Christ we possess every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms, so we consider ourselves to be truly blessed! As we look forward to another year of faithful service to Christ, here are a few of the highlights from 2014.

After intermittent searching on Craig's List, I was finally able to score a triple jogging stroller!  It wasn't cheap, but I had been saving up gift money for a while.  Those three guys plus the stroller add up to 130 pounds, so I'm also saving money and time by combining my cardio and strength workouts.  No gym membership for this girl!  I don't know how I would have been able to train Mary and Maggie for the 5K without this stroller!!

Believe it or not, when I was a little girl, I wanted more than anything to be a flower girl.  I know that's really surprising coming from the epitome of tomboy.  Mary and Maggie were thrilled to be flower girls in my niece Chealsee's wedding.  They looked like little angels!  Fortunately, Chealsee and John are really laid back and didn't seem to mind that all the petals were on the right side of the aisle!

I really broke out of my comfort zone and agreed to decorate a table for our Women's Christmas Tea at church.  It was really fun hanging out while crafting with Carrie and Melanie.  We stayed up well past nine and made lots of glittery ball ornaments!

David and his running pal, Joe, ran a 5K and raced against a Junior Olympian!

I unexpectedly got pregnant with Baby #6.  Then, I had a miscarriage at 15 weeks. More than two months later, I ended up in the ER needing an emergency D&C.  Because of the nature of the symptoms I was having, the doctors thought it was possible that I had had a molar pregnancy and sent everything off to be tested for malignancy.  Praise God, the pathology results came back normal!

We planted lots of vegetables in our garden beds and attracted lots of animals.  David tried just about everything before declaring a humane war on the pests.  He used this contraption to catch them.  Eventually, David's perseverance paid off, and the pests have moved on to greener pastures.  It's a good thing because his next tactical move was going to be to teach the boys to use the sling shot.

We started scheduling dates with each of our children.  Once a month, either David or I will have a special date with one of the kids with each of us having one date with each of the kids during the year.  The kids really look forward to this special time and make plans far in advance.  Maggie asked Daddy to paint her fingernails during their date (after swimming)!

Mary, Maggie, and I built a roller coaster using a K'Nex set we bought at a garage sale. It was challenging and took a lot of time, but it was lots of fun for everyone!

Josiah met his Great Grandma Linda for the first time on the Fourth of July!  I love this picture of them sitting in their rocking chairs together!

This year, David and I celebrated our 13th anniversary!  The kids made us royal scepters and crowns for the occasion.  Mary even made us a special dinner, bacon and waffles!

Matthew and Jonathan are becoming so big that they have mostly outgrown their need for a nap. While this means less of a break for mama, they do have so much fun playing with their sisters in the afternoon (after schoolwork has been completed).  Now they get to play Go Fish, Zingo, baby dolls, and even dress-up!  

Mary's soccer season this fall was quite exciting!  Early on in this season, she kind of fell into playing goalie.  Her team, Orange Crush, won the 1st place for South Irvine!  They also got to play in the Mayor's Cup, a competition between North Irvine and South Irvine, and are still in the regional tournament.  At the conclusion of the regular season, Mary was selected as one of ten girls to play for the U9 All Star team. She also received the sportsmanship award for her team!

The kids got to see lots of construction equipment up close as construction continues just across the street.  

David became a tenured professor at UCI.  From my perspective, this means I can finally set down my roots and call Irvine home.  There is also less pressure on David to travel, although somehow he managed to squeak in work trips to Japan, Korea, and Italy this year!

2014 Goals Assessment

Way back in December 2013, I set 12 goals for 2014.  Here's a recap of the crazy-ambitious goals I set for 2014 along with an assessment of where I am in completing them!

Run a 5K--I ran the New Year's Hustle and finished with a time of 26:20!  You can read my post here.

Make Danish pastries--Well, the girls and I really tried to make these, but they were a big fail.  We did NOT attempt them a second time!

Complete the chronological Bible reading plan--Since mostly giving up caffeine and sugar, I've been able to get up earlier and read my Bible more regularly, so I feel like the spirit behind this goal has been accomplished.  That said, I did not finish the chronological reading plan that I started.  Instead, I bought a one-year Bible and have been working my way through that.

Put together a 2013 photo book--Yippee, I conquered this one!

Potty train Matthew and Jonathan--This actually has not been the nightmarish experience that I was expecting, but I'm still only halfway there.  Jonathan has the potty-business down, well, at least during the day.  Matthew, on the other hand, has no interest in using the toilet yet.  He just does his business in his undies and continues playing.  We both got frustrated with this state of affairs and reverted to diapers.  

Get caught up on my periodical backlog--Check.

Open our home to someone from church at least once per month--Hmmm...well, I didn't really keep track, but I think we did this!  

Learn how to crochet--I did work really hard at this for a while but, eventually, I gave up:(

Build a unit for the laundry room to organize jackets, shoes, and bags--Well, this totally snowballed into an expensive entryway project requiring an experienced carpenter, but it is completed!  You can read about it here.

Learn computer programming in JavaScript faster than Mary--I think it's accurate to say that I learned JavaScript faster than Mary, but I am nowhere close to being proficient at JavaScript.

Read Life Skills for Kids--Ah, I'm going to add this book to my unfinished reads book.

Find out David's answers to Pastor Peter's 39 questions--This one was super-fun and was accomplished quickly and easily!

So, now that my 2014 goals assessment is complete, I'm ready to start thinking about what goals I would like to set for 2015!  

A Bit of Honesty

Thank you for being so supportive and lifting us up to the Lord in prayer during this time of trial. As I meditated on the death of our unborn child, my heart rejoiced at knowing that our child went to be with the Lord. It is wonderful to think of him or her being with God in heaven, a place free of sin and pain and death.  The more I thought about our child in heaven, though, this joyfulness was intermingled with sadness.  My hopes of worshiping God together with my child were dashed as I contemplated what little I knew about our child. The baby didn't live long enough for us to find out if it was a boy or a girl.  The only glimpses that we saw were the ultrasound images, which showed something resembling an alien more than an actual human being.  We never got to hold our baby and gaze into its eyes and comb its hair.  We don't know if it would have had blue or green eyes, red or blonde hair. There was no special feature that I could use to distinguish my child from any others in heaven.  How would I ever recognize my child?  I struggled and struggled with this question in my thoughts, too embarrassed to actually express my concerns to anyone lest they really see how small and weak my faith really is.  On Saturday, I lay in bed crying and crying and praying silently, when my husband came in and asked me why I was crying (and why I wasn't tending to our children).  At that point, I was so desperate for an answer that I just blurted everything out between wails. David was very gentle with me and didn't rebuke me for my lack of faith, but simply asked, "Who is our child with right now?"  OK, I knew the answer to that one, "Well, God."  "And God knows all things, right?  (rhetorical question...he didn't even give me the opportunity to answer!) God is going to make sure you know your child.  You will be able to worship God together!" I really believe that David was the Lord's messenger to me that day and that the Lord used him to bring comfort to me.

The way David handled this situation reminded me of something I read recently.  The day before we found out that our baby was not doing well, David gave me the evening off.  One of the things I did during that time was to go to Cha for Tea to read my Bible.  One verse I read that evening was Matthew 11:29. Jesus says, "...learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart..."  I must have read this passage many times in my Christian life before, but, on this particular night, I questioned, "Why does Jesus describe himself this way?"  I couldn't find anything helpful online.  I was so troubled that I couldn't sleep, so I looked this verse up in a commentary.  This is what Matthew Henry says,

He is meek and can have compassion on the ignorant, whom others would be in a passion with. Many able teachers are hot and hasty, which is a great discouragement to those who are dull and slow; but Christ knows how to bear with such, and to open their understandings. His carriage towards his twelve disciples was a specimen of this; he was mild and gentle with them, and made the best of them; though they were heedless and forgetful, he was not extreme to mark their follies.

Consider it Pure Joy

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 

because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

James 1:2

Our family is walking through a trial.  We would like to ask you to walk alongside us and pray for us as we grieve the loss of our unborn child.  

This past Friday, I went to see my midwife for a routine checkup.  The girls love coming to my appointments with me and were really excited since the midwife usually allows them to help out with the doppler.  The midwife pulled out the doppler and spent a long time searching for the baby's heartbeat.  Eventually, she hooked up their antiquated ultrasound machine and found the baby.  She did see a flicker indicating a heartbeat but was very concerned that the baby didn't seem to be moving at all.  She escorted the girls to the waiting area and discussed with me her concerns that this baby may not have survived.  To further evaluate the situation, she ordered an ultrasound to be performed at an imaging center.  The ultrasound revealed the baby was still alive but not doing well.  Baby's heartbeat was only 60 beats per minute, far below the normal range for ~15 weeks.  The baby was also measuring closer to 12 weeks, or 3 weeks smaller than indicated by my due date.  The midwife told me to call if I had cramping or bleeding over the weekend.  Having neither, we followed up with another ultrasound today, which indicated no heartbeat.  At 15 weeks, our baby is no longer living.  I maintained composure at the imaging center, but the moment I got to my car, the tears started flowing. The drive from the imaging center to my home is only 10 minutes.  Yet so many tears welled up in my eyes during that short time, I almost couldn't see to drive.  

So many crazy thoughts have been running through my mind in trying to find a reason for this:

• Did I run too much?
• Did I drink enough water?
• Did I drink too much Boba?
• Why did I dig out those bushes?
• Why did I sit in the hot tub even for a minute?
• Did I eat enough?
• Did I carry Josiah too much?
• Did I seem ungrateful for a sixth child?
• Does God think I'm a horrible mommy?

I conducted a little bit of research that showed that oftentimes miscarriages are the result of chromosomal abnormalities present at the time of conception.  These abnormalities cause either the mom's body to stop supporting the baby or the baby's body just to shut down.  So, I can reason with myself and release myself from blame for causing this to happen.  

But, then, I am still left with one question.  Why did God allow this to happen to us?  In my devotions with the kids for the past few weeks, we have been studying the life of Joseph.  So many "bad" things happened to Joseph.  His brothers sold him into slavery and reported him as dead to their father.  He was falsely accused of rape and thrown into prison.  He helped others in prison but was forgotten by them.  Yet, Joseph humbly accepted every situation and continued to trust in God.  Why did God allow this to happen to us?  I choose to be like Joseph.  I don't know why this is happening to us, but let me tell you what I do know.  I know that God, my heavenly Father, is loving and wise and good.  Everything that He allows me to go through, the good and the bad, is both for my good and his glory.  I have to believe that He is using this for my good and for His glory.  And, He has not abandoned me and left me to go through this trial alone.  No, He is with me.  In my weakness, He is in fact carrying me every step of the way.  So, I pray that He will indeed bring glory to His name and enable me to persevere.  

Christian Dating Panel Questions

It happened again!  We were asked to be members of a panel discussion, and, in a moment of weakness, actually agreed to participate.  So, here I am again, writing this post to to try to clarify what I really meant to say. This time the panel discussion was about Christian dating.  Pastor Mark sent us a list of potential discussion questions ahead of time.  When I first glanced at the list, I was really intimidated about being on the panel.  David and I are about to celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary, so it's been a looooong time since we've been anywhere close to the dating scene.  It was clear at the event, I think, that our perspective on dating is, well, maybe a tad bit unusual.  There was lots of laughing and looks of surprise when we told our story.  So, when I share my thoughts on these questions, I want to emphasize that this is just my perspective/viewpoint on Christian dating.  

How do you initiate a relationship?  What does initiating look like?  

Well, I think there isn't a right way or a wrong way to go about initiating a relationship really.  I think it usually starts with a guy asking a girl to go out and do something, though!  For the girls, I recommend waiting for the guy to initiate even if you are interested.  You can read more about this below.  If you get to the point of wanting to pursue dating one person exclusively, I think it's wise to talk to your leaders and find out what they think of the person.  

What should be the reason to compel you to initiate? 

Basically, I think if you would like to be married someday, then you should try to get to know some people of the opposite sex.  If you don't want to get married, don't initiate a relationship.  The point of Christian dating is for Christian marriage.  

How do I know I’m ready to date?  

I don't think any of us ever feel "ready" to date.  Just like we don't feel "ready" to marry or "ready" to have children.  That said, I think one of the best pieces of advice that we received when dating was this: Don't look to your boyfriend/girlfriend to solve your problems.  Our first and primary relationship should be with the Lord.  If dating is interfering with your relationship with the Lord, then I'd say you're probably not yet ready.  Back off the dating and build your relationship with the Lord.  

What kind of guy/ girl should I be looking for? 

The number one qualification you should look for is a Christian, a genuine follower of Christ.  Okay, so that doesn't narrow the playing field too much, huh?  Additionally, I would say for the ladies, take a look at the qualifications for elders and deacons found in 1 Timothy 3.  For the gentlemen, take a look at the attributes of the woman described in Proverbs 31.  To be really, really clear, outward appearance and charisma are not important.  What really matters is the beauty within.  To make this even more practical, some things to consider:

1. What does this person do with his/her free time?
2. What does this person talk about?
3. Is this person a hard worker or lazy?
4. How does this person make decisions?

How much does compatibility matter? 

Honestly, I don't think compatibility is that important for Christians.  If we love the Lord and are committed to serving HIm, then love for one another will result.  As an example, David and I come from completely different backgrounds.  I was public schooled; he was homeschooled.  I ate lots of processed foods; he pretty much ate whole foods exclusively.  I spent a lot of time at the mall or in front of the t.v.; he spent a lot of time backpacking and playing in the creek.  I could go on and on.  Nonetheless, there is no one that I agree with more.  We have never argued about money or parenting but totally see eye to eye on those things, but I believe that is really a result of our love for the Lord and desire to honor Him with our money and our parenting.  

Is there one God has chosen for me? Is soul mate a real thing? 

I really liked Elder Joe's response to this when we were chatting beforehand.  Yes, there is one God has chosen for you.  The one to whom you said, "I do."  I don't believe in the whole soul mate concept.  If David and I had dated for longer and spent considerable time questioning whether we were truly one another's soul mates, we probably would not have gotten married and that would have been a huge mistake.  The point of Christian marriage is not about completing ourselves, but it is about serving the Lord together.  The question should not be, "Is this my soul mate?"  The question should be, "Can I serve the Lord better with this person than I can as a single person?"  

How do you become content while still wanting to get married?

I was 26 when David and I married, so I spent a number of years desiring to be married with no prospects in sight.  I understand it's difficult to be content while you are waiting.  It's tempting to think, "Life kind of stinks right now...If only I were married, it would be so much better."  Don't believe that!  No matter where we are in life, Satan is always tempting us to be discontent with the lot that God has chosen for us.  Again, trying to be practical, a few things that I did during my single, non-dating years are:

1. I focused on building my relationship with the Lord.  When you are single, you have lots of free time.  Spend extra time with the Lord, studying His word, praying to Him, memorizing His word.  This will be a great treasure chest that you can draw from later when your free time is not as plentiful.  I consider being able to have quiet time with the Lord an incredible luxury.  Yes, I can spend time with the Lord, but it is almost never quiet!
2. I served in the church.  When we are single wanting to be married, we have a choice to make.  We can either drown in self pity or we can take our eyes off of ourselves and serve our brothers and sisters in need.  I sought out relationships with people in our church who needed help.  I would take dinner to people who were ill, clean and iron for a woman who had severe back pain, babysit so that a female worship leader could attend practice, help people with yardwork, etc.  

What does dating mean? 

I wasn't quite sure about this question, but my definition of a date is two people doing something together.  But just because someone asks you to go out, don't assume you're an item!

What is the goal of dating?  

The goal of dating is to find a spouse.  In Genesis God made a helper for Adam, for he said that it was not good for man to live alone.  

Is there a distinction between going out on a date, unofficial dating, being in a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, etc?

Yes!  At least we found there to be one and, for us, it was a pretty natural progression.  We started out by dating different people casually, just trying to get to know one another and others.  Then, we decided to just date one another.  Then, we began considering marriage.  Then, we got married.  I think the distinctions are fairly important, too, because as your relationship increases in seriousness, so also does your openness.  Obviously, there are also different degrees of commitment in these stages as well.  That said, it is important to emphasize that lifelong commitment begins when you say "I do." 

Commitment vs No strings attached? Where’s the balance?  

I think the guys should feel free to ask a girl out with the intention of getting to know her more.  The girl should not take this "date" as the guy committing to be girlfriend/boyfriend.  At the same time, you can't casually date forever.  The point of this, after all, is to find a spouse.  If this is not a person you see yourself marrying, then either don't extend further invitations or don't accept them. 

How much should I tell a girl when asking her out or during the relationship?

Ummm...well, not very much.  Take it easy and don't scare her off on the first date.  During the relationship, I think God will give you wisdom about what to say when.  It is good to be upfront and honest. When you get to the point in your dating relationship of  thinking seriously about marrying one another, I believe it's important for full disclosure.  That is the time to reveal past sins that may affect your marital relationship or sins that you will likely continue to struggle with in the marriage.  

We have an idea of male leadership, how does this look in dating relationship?  Does a guy have authority to expect the girl to submit? 

NO!  Submission begins when the couple says, "I do."  That said, the guy should demonstrate leadership in the dating relationship.  Some ways that he might display this are:

1. Be the one to initiate the relationship and its progression.
2. Establish appropriate boundaries for physical contact.
3. Decide or at least have ideas for what to do together.

If a girl likes a guy, how should she show that she is interested?  Or should she at all? 

I honestly don't think this is wise.  God's design for marriage is that the man leads and the woman submits.  I really don't think you want to start out a relationship in a position where the woman is leading.  I think it's better to just let your feelings be known to the Lord and wait for His timing. 

What are some criteria for a ending a relationship?  

Since the point of Christian dating is Christian marriage, if you find that you do not want to marry this person, then you should end the relationship.  I do believe, though, that ending a relationship should not be taken lightly.  We are all sinners, so seeing a particular sin and realizing that this person is not perfect should not be what causes you to end the relationship.  On the one hand, it shouldn't be taken lightly; on the other hand, we should be able to handle a breakup with grace.  

When are you giving wrong signals? If you think they like you, but you don’t like them, how do you maturely handle that? 

Don't try to be nice and not hurt their feelings.  Just tell them. It's kind of like taking off a band-aid.  It stings at first but the sting goes away.

As a girl how do you find contentment if the guy that you like shows no shared interest? 

You will never find contentment in a guy. True rest is found in Christ and Christ alone.  We have to accept and believe with all our heart that God loves us and works all things for our good.  If a guy you like does not like you back, then God's good, perfect and pleasing will for you is not to marry that guy no matter how much you may like him now.  See my answer above to finding contentment while waiting to marry.

How does a girl attract a guys attention? In a godly way?? or at all? 

Don't do it.  Our interest should be in bringing attention the the Lord!  Happiness is not found in any guy but only in Christ. Instead of focusing your attention on attracting a guy, focus your attention on serving the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.  You want a guy to be attracted to your godly character, not your looks or clothes.

My New Freezer Inventory System

This past year, we used our Christmas gift money to purchase an upright freezer for the garage.  I know, how did we survive so long without a freezer?  I really have no idea.  At first, I didn't even know how to adjust to life with a freezer.  For a while, the only think inside the freezer were the twenty bags of holiday chocolate chips from Albertson's clearance rack.  Eventually, I also found baking chocolate on clearance, further increasing my freezer stockpile of chocolate.  One day, David took over the Farmer's Market shopping and we ended up with way more oranges than I knew what to do with.  So, I juiced them providing something of nutritional value for the freezer.  Then, something clicked in my brain, and I suddenly realized that I could stockpile perishable items!  If Costco put turkey bacon on sale with a purchase limit of five, I could actually purchase five and put them in the freezer.  Things were going really well, and everything seemed manageable until tomato season hit!  In one week, I have made nineteen jars of tomato sauce.  Big jars.  At this point, the freezer was getting a little bit out of control.  I had no idea how to keep track of what was in there without actually opening the freezer door and looking inside.  In need of a solution to my dilemma I turned to Google.  A quick search landed me with oodles of images of freezer inventory checklists. I settled on the inventory sheet I created in OmniGraffle below.   So how do I use this?  When I put something into the freezer, I make a slash like this "/". When I take something out, I turn that slash into an "X".  Ah, so simple and beautiful!  Now, I am happy as a lark because I don't actually have to open the freezer to know what's inside.  And, even better, I don't have to try to remember what's inside.  Believe me, the less there is for me to mentally keep track of, the better!!  Happy stockpiling:)

Finding Joy

It's no surprise to many of you that my husband travels for work quite a bit.  'Tis the life of a professor, speaking at other universities and conferences and working with distant collaborators.  Sometimes, my attitude about David's work trips is okay, well, at least not that bad.  At other times, like this past week, it can be really crummy.  David went off to Telluride, Colorado to run a conference.  The conference was designed so that there was plenty of free time in the afternoons to enjoy the beautiful surroundings.  I knew I should be really happy that David could get out and do something he really loves, hike and run on trails, but, in all honesty, I wasn't.  I was really, really mad.  I was mad that I was missing out on things because he had to go on this trip.  The fact that he actually could enjoy it was like rubbing salt in my wounds!  Okay, normally, my reaction to his travels is not this, well, extreme, but there were special circumstances this time,

My grandpa died and his memorial service was held on Tuesday of this week.  Going would mean flying with all five kids (three of them requiring car seats on the plane) from California to Pennsylvania.  Maybe some of you are brave enough or sentimental enough to do that.  Not me.  It was also the week of our church's VBS.  That's exciting, right?  Of course it is.  But, my three boys go to bed by 8pm, and VBS ends at 8:30 pm, so although I really wanted to be able to be there for the assembly time and especially the carnival on the last day, I just could not make that happen logistically.  I know some of you probably would have just said, "Ah, the boys will be a little tired, it's ok."  There are three of them, ages three and under, and they're really, really loud.  Plus, I really value my sleep.  A lot.  I was simply disappointed that I couldn't be there.

But, the point of this post is not to complain.  It is to say that my husband left and I was mad, but I knew that God did not want me to spend my week grumbling and complaining and making him feel really guilty for traveling.  So, I asked God to help me to find joy in my week.  I tried to capture some pictures to help me remember the joyful moments.  The week was not all joyful bliss.  There were lots of potty accidents to clean up.  At least two plates were broken.  There was the typical bickering and talking back.  I could go on and on, but God helped me with these pictures to focus on the joyful moments of my week and thank him for this wonderful family he has given me and the many opportunities I have to teach them about Jesus and what He did on the cross for me!

On Sunday, Josiah ate his first s'mores!  He like it a lot!

On Monday, I took the kids to Pretend City.  Thanks for the coupons, Mama Esther!

Matthew had so much fun pretending to be a fireman!

So did Jonathan!

Maggie played with the boys in the garden.  Mary had a lot of fun, too, but she was mostly off doing her own thing, so I didn't get any pictures of her:(  The kids thought the best part was riding the shuttle back to our car, ha, ha!

On Tuesday, our mommy small group got together for lunch.  The girls had fun playing hide and seek with Isaiah.

On Tuesday, the girls' flower girl dresses arrived, too!  They are so excited for Cousin Chealsee's wedding!

On Wednesday, my friend Denise came over with her daughter Misha.  Denise and I talked about homeschooling while Mary and Maggie taught Misha everything they know about being princesses and taking care of babies!  That evening, another friend, Esther, brought me Boba and udon and we shared a time of meaningful fellowship after the boys went to sleep!

On Thursday, I took the kids hiking in UCI's Open Preserve.  We hiked from our house all the way to the botanical gardens.  It was fairly narrow and steep in some spots, which made it a little tricky with Josiah in the stroller, but we all made it!

It was a really hot day, so everyone was really excited to find this fountain in the gardens.  The water was so cool and refreshing!  I don't have a picture of this, but two friends surprised me that evening with boba!  YUM!

On Friday, we went to a Splash Pad and got wet and sandy!

Mary's approach was to stand on top of the sprayer!

Cute Maggie!

The sin of discontent is so pervasive. If we are not careful, it seeps in and takes every joy away. God is teaching me that joy is serving him where he has me. Right now, he has me in the home serving my family. I don't serve them because they appreciate it. I don't serve them because they deserve it. I serve them because by serving them I am serving Christ, who voluntarily gave his life to bring me back into fellowship with God.